Overcoming Anger and Hurt
Our childhood experiences frequently shape the balance of our lives. When we have endured neglect, physical or emotional harms, or ill-treatment, we frequently carry the burdens of hidden childhood emotions for decades after the issues. This is because we immerse the feelings deep below our own awareness, frequently along with the memories, so that we don’t go on as youngsters to suffer from them.
While immersing these memories protects us as youngsters, this leaves us bearing a lot of buried ‘material’ that’s stacked away in our unconscious and in our heart. Our unconscious child mind sets up platforms to prevent from being harmed by these hidden burdens: it leads us to stand back from anything similar to what we experienced – so we don’t hurt again as we had hurt before.
Our grownup experiences might leave us with damaging feelings likewise. We have all experienced things that we wish had never occurred. Things like:
- Saying something in anger to loved ones, causing long-lived pain, disappointment or bitterness.
- Turning down a specific road, where an accident happened.
- Not saying something before a loved one or friend passed, when we hadn’t said to them we love them, or shared something else of earnest importance.
There are assorted ways that we might become aware of our residual damaging beliefs and damaging habits. Occasionally, we simply get fed up with behaving in ways that are counter-productive to our current state of affairs and to our current wants. We awaken one day and recognize that ‘it’ is not just ‘occurring’ to us. We have to be acting in ways that ask for ‘it’ to happen.
Frequently it’s our family and acquaintances who make show-stopping remarks or ask incisive questions, like: “How did you manage to find not just one or 2, but a series of 4 damaging individuals in a row – who all began appearing like such promising partnering material then turned on you and got abusive?” or “May there be anything in your presentations at work that’s inviting all of the critiques you’ve had? This is the 3rd position you’ve held where this had been an issue. Might there be something in the way that you respond to individuals that rubs them the wrong way?”
These might initially appear to us to be critiques, but when they’re provided with love and care, and when we may see that our chronic behaviors wind up getting us counter-productive, uninvited reactions, we might pause long enough to review our habits that are precluding us from savoring and maximizing our potential in life.
When we start to have a look at our beliefs and actions in such areas, we frequently discover that we have internal life-scripts that tell us such things as, “I don’t merit love.” We might have expectations like, “I’m certain they’ll discover something incorrect with my presentation.” Or, “The way to prevent being rejected for not being what individuals want me to be is to perform something that will get them to scorn me for what I don’t do correctly.”
When we grasp things that we’re feeling, trusting and behaving, it’s really not that hard to make substantial shifts into better personal places. When we no longer anticipate rejection and failure, we’re much less likely to act in ways that will bring us to that place which we fear.
If we discover ourselves blocked in our advancement in life or in our enjoyment of life, be it in our personal, relational, professional or spiritual lives, taking a close look may help us to change our negative notions and expectations. This then lets us alter our associated feelings and behaviors and to remold our ways of relating to ourselves and other people.
If you are unsure how to move forward in overcoming hurt and anger and create the life you deserve, perhaps it’s time for a personal life coach? Contact me today for your consultation. We can work together to help you “grow” forward in your life vision and purpose.